Years ago, it was appropriate to have long chunks of
description about the setting. These could go on for several pages. No one
thought twice about it. That’s changed in today’s publishing world. One of the
biggest problems I see on this front in my editing is the information dump. The
setting may be beautifully described and very vivid, but it goes on too long.
And it’s static.
Here’s an example from one of my editing clients (used with her
permission).
We stepped off this
elevator to navy and gold marble floors. A seating of two boxy and
uncomfortable looking cream leather couches, two matching low coffee tables and
two leather chairs with crazy pear shaped high backs in a golden color. The
floor looked like it went up the walls with the glass marble effect on the two
walls to the left and right of me. The office smelled strongly of chai.
Mulder pulled a gold
key ring from his pocket and unlocked his office. The door opened into a long
narrow hallway, with bright sunshine shinning at the other end. Both the floor
and the walls were made of real wood, an oak or pine – I didn’t know. Every
couple of feet glass light fixtures mounted on the walls reflected light onto
the glossy floor. Even with the lights and the promise of morning light at the
other end, the trek down the hall was dark and mysterious.
It’s a list of what the room is like. If you have the
characters interact with the setting, it brings it alive and makes it more
real. In a movie, the camera doesn’t pan the room so you can get an idea of
what it looks like. Instead, the characters move around the set. You know there
is a comfy couch when the character kicks off his shoes and curls up on
it. You see the big screen TV when he
picks up the remote and clicks it on.
I cut this down quite a bit in the example. It went on a
good deal longer. And it wasn’t necessary. She could get the idea of wealth and
opulence across in fewer words, and by having the characters interact with the
setting. That makes it come alive and be real.
Here is what it’s like with the characters interacting with
the setting.
Stepping off this
elevator, the odor of chai greeted us. My tennis shoes squeaked on the
mirror-smooth navy and gold floors as we walked past a seating area with crazy,
pear-shaped, high back, golden chairs. I saw my reflection in the walls with
the same glass-marble effect.
Mulder pulled a gold
key ring from his pocket and unlocked his office. The door opened into a long
narrow hallway. The floorboards creaked under our feet as we walked down the
dark tunnel, only sunshine from up ahead lighting our way. Silly, I know, but
the passage reminded me of ones leading to the dungeons in ancient castles.
See the difference? In the first, there’s the smell of chai,
but in the second, the character smells the chai. In the first, the floors are
blue and gold, but in the second, his tennies come in contact with the floor
and squeak. In the first, the hallway is long and dark with wood floors, but in
the second, the floors creak and the passage sparks a thought.
The setting is still described, but it doesn’t interfere
with the action of the story. It comes alive when it’s treated as a character
interacting with another character. It adds to the story, rather than
detracting from it. It’s vibrant. And nothing is lost because of this. The
point is to give the flavor of the place without dumping all the information
in. And readers like to imagine places in their own minds.
Pick a scene from your WIP and make the setting more interactive. Have fun!
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