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Loreal, Maybelline, Almay and the rest of you

 ...from the life of Diana Lesire Brandmeyer

May I have your attention cosmetic companies?

Loreal, Maybelline, Almay and the rest of you, your marketing isn't working. There I've said it. You spend millions of dollars asking me to spend my money on your amazing mascaras. 

I watch as the magic wands of this elixir are applied to already stiletto length lashes on your leggy models and I want them--the lashes not the girl.  

Every three months, I must buy a new length defining, color enriched, self cleaning and lash growing product. It says so on the back of the package or was that the internet? If I don't I will go blind. 

So why is it when I go to the beauty aisle of Target I stand there and look at all of those choices, and then can't remember a single one  I wanted to try?

Is it because you never actually show me the packaging?  Or is it because I'm so involved in the mini movies you produce I can't remember the product or the line that makes it?

So bewildered I will pick up a package and bring it home. Then wallah...that night another commercial comes on and I remember that's the one I wanted to try, but not the one I bought. 

I hope to learn from your major mistakes major marketing company. I have books to sell. I will do my best to present the title and cover so people can remember them. Though I may need the use of one of your models .  



  1. great post. can i use the model to sell bricks?

  2. You are in so much trouble! I think I'll be getting an iPad now for that comment. :)

  3. LOL. Oh Ed you are in so much trouble!

    Diana, go for it! Maybe we can use it to SNIPE!

  4. Wow, I always thought it was just me. I stand in the cosmetic aisle at wal-mart, thinking, "are you serious? How will I ever find that eye creme they advertised which guarentees no more black cirlces? All I see are the eye cremes that take away the puffiness." I actually wore Mary Kay makeup for years just so I wouldn't have to think about it. I could call my consultant and say, "Just give me what you gave me last time."

    And I swear, they change the packaging every single time I go in the store to buy something for those black cirlces.

  5. Now I'm relieved it isn't just me standing there with my mouth open like a guppy fishing for air.

    hmm, black circle remover...I need that too.